Friday, 10 June 2016

Week 35 & 36 & 37//: High's, lows, woes and yo's!

During week 35 of my pregnancy I started to feel fed up. I was fed up of being pregnant. I was fed up that every time I looked in the mirror I felt fat, and not pregnant. All the dirty looks I was getting on the streets didn’t make me feel any more at ease. It’s hard. I understand how young mums feel. Don’t get me wrong, being 23 isn’t exactly old but when you don’t look your age it just makes it that much worse...

It just feels like everyone is staring at you and that you're being talked about constantly. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe they're saying good things but I can tell you a few too many old biddies and men who think they know all, have given me the same dirty snidely know it all look. 

I spent most of my time watching Game of Thrones this week and I swear this little baby is going to come out singing the theme tune.  My heartburn seems to have calmed down but my legs keep clicking, as if the joints are clicking out of place at the top of my thighs.

Week 36

This week I’ve been feeling so down and it’s made me think it’s not just the hormones messing with me, I genuinely felt depressed. I had an appointment with my midwife on Friday and I had an emergency stand in. It’s like a usual thing it seems at my practioners but the lady was lovely and I couldn’t fault her. I felt like I had known her the entire time I was pregnant. I spoke to her about why I felt down and how things were getting on top. As a person that bottles everything up and shouts things in their mind and not out loud it makes it hard. She’s referred me to see my GP to be on the safe side we’ve called it. I’ve had previous history of depression and at the time it was severe. She wants me to have a check in and see how I feel about it because she’s concerned that I might hit postnatal depression hard. Aka the baby blues.

There’s a lot of things people keep hidden and some of the things I’ve had to have had me worried but being able to just write them down in the notes on my phone or try to express them to my partner even if it’s just the tip of the iceberg, it helps. It’s good to know that there is always support there, and there’s always support behind you at all times.

During the appointment, we discovered that baby G had turned breech. I felt her move the night before while I was doing an Elvis. I had a hunch. So we were scheduled for an appointment with the midwife on Monday to see how things were progressing (only 3 days later) and see where we would go from there. I must admit, I was scared. I was just told to take it easy and to go straight to the hospital if I felt anything bad happening as I was only 2 days before full term.

Week 37

On Monday I went to the midwife at my local hospital for her to do a check to see how baby G was doing. At the check she couldn’t tell if she was breech or the right way for delivering. After a student tried to check as well they ended up sending me for a scan at the delivery hospital. The student midwife was so lovely, she was so scared she would hurt us both by pressing in, trying to feel the position. I was telling her to crack on with it and dig her hands in. Clearly, still half asleep at 9 in the morning.

At the hospital the lady checked the position of the baby and it turns out baby G was deep head down and that the placenta was up in the right place. So everything was great, heartbeat was strong and loud and she showed that she’s a little kicker. I wish they could’ve let me know how long it looked like it would take for her to arrive. I know she will arrive when she’s ready but I’m starting to get a bit impatient. I just feel so drained of carrying this baby now. I mean she’s my little lovely but my waddle is starting to get worse, my legs are clicking constantly and these Braxton hicks are killer. I’ve bought a hot water bottle for my back to try and take away the pain. I keep thinking that today is the day, where is this so called show that people are talking about? (Don’t google image it unless you’re worried, it’s graphic). I just want her here so I can cuddle her and wrap her in blankets. I’m just excited.

The rest of the week passed slowly and I spent the time washing and ironing all of the babies clothes and organising her room. I’m just so obsessed with how tiny all of these baby clothes are.

The other half took me to Liverpool on the Sunday to get out the house because I’ve turned into such a hermit. I haven’t gone out for the fear of my waters breaking and not being able to do anything on my own as everyone and their best friends are at work and visiting an art gallery on my own isn’t ideal. We just went for a walk around a little mooch and a bite to eat at Wagamama’s. I wore a motel rocks dress that I haven’t worn since before I was pregnant, and silly me wore tights and not leggings. I must admit. Some people at the docks got a view of my backside during the breezy period. All in good fun. Both of my legs clicked and I had to stop a couple of times and walk very slow. It feels like it’s getting closer or maybe my legs are on their way to breaking to pieces. 

Until next time 



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