Thursday, 2 June 2016

Where is my self confidence whilst being pregnant?//

Let’s talk about self confidence whilst being pregnant.

I don’t know about a lot of you who read my blog but for myself personally, I don’t have much self confidence. It’s never been a thing in my life and it’s not getting any easier the more I see myself have this giant balloon when I look down to try and see my toes.

It’s one of those things. You either have it or you don’t. I’ve tried. I can tell you my good ‘aesthetically pleasing’ parts and the bits that would have a fashion magazine reaching for the magic eraser tool.

I wanted to talk about this because it’s been there a lot throughout my pregnancy. I wake up and look in the mirror and talk to little bean and tell her good morning and then maybe an hour later whilst I’m getting dressed I can break down about the way I look. The main thing to remember when you’re pregnant is that you’re growing this wonderful human(s) inside you and it’s very special. It’s just hard for our hearts and our heads to co-operate together. My heart is like “that’s a little girl in there” and my mind is “look at them stretch marks you look disgusting”.

I often feel like my partner deserves better, especially when there’s all these nonexistent girls he could be so much better off with, because of a picture on facebook or instagram. It’s just that. It’s a lack of self confidence. We both have our flaws but we both love that about each other.

So here I am telling you about this but really how does it get easier? How does the fact that your favourite pair of jeans has now been shoved to the back of the wardrobe until after the baby make you feel? Well. It doesn’t but there are ways to help. I wanted to fit in them jeans so bad that I’ve left the house with a baggy t-shirt and them unzipped only to figure out they soon fall down. 10 minutes later I went home and changed into leggings and thought I was a silly cow for even trying.

My answer to all of this is, what made you feel good before you were pregnant? Was it a lipstick that you could just swipe on? Was it a little bit of foundation that made your skin look a bit more ‘alive’ than the “oh you look tired” you get from friends when you don’t wear it (due to them sleepless nights and the pee breaks). Maybe it was just those good ole’ granny knickers that actually are really effing comfy that you don’t care if there’s a fire that you would rather wear than a thong sticking up where it shouldn’t be.

Just remember when you feel better inside, you will show it on the outside. Your clothes are going to get tighter and that peplum top isn’t going to work anymore. So you can either hide from it, or do things that make you feel better even if it’s just for 5 minutes. Stop worrying about what other people may think or what they look like and carry on my wayward son. Eat that cake because soon you’re about to have something so beautiful that will make you have sleepless nights.

(I wrote this while I was 35/36 weeks pregnant. I’ll post an update later on what has changed 3 weeks postpartum).



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