Wednesday, 16 November 2016

6 Things you NEED to do as a new mother.

Finding time for yourself as a new mum is trivial enough as it is. Having a hot brew with a biscuit seems like a day dream sometimes so how can you actually make time for yourself? Having some time to yourself if not something you should want, but need. A break. A lot of people don't say it but my gosh looking after a baby 24 hours a day and 7 days a week wears me down. I love my little girl, but I know when I need a rest and luckily I have the most supportive partner and family behind me.
So I've come up with a list of things that not only I think every new mum needs, but things that have helped me with my postnatal depression.

1) Take time out.

I know it's hard to find time but it needs to be done even if it's just having a brew while your partner plays games or takes turns with the feeds. The first time I spent time away from Imogen was just going out for some lunch with R while my mum happily babysat. A new baby is overwhelming, lonely and time consuming so try and get a break when you can. Just ask for help.

2) Have a beer.

I went for my first night out in over a year and half with one of my friends and made sure that R was off the next day because sober me wouldn't drink a lot, but drinking me just shouts "shots shots shots" all night. It was nice to let lose, dance all night and as obviously a new mother would, text my partner every 10 minutes to make sure everything was okay. It was, and I had a great night. Now every now and then we will have a beer with our dinner and considering we barely drink as people, it just helps us relax knowing we're having a little treat.

3) Ask for help from the grandparents. Have some time with your partner

I can't stress this one enough. Having a baby is a huge change in your life. Between you and your partner you will go through financial issues, sleepless nights and changes to your relationship. It won't be pretty. You'll find a new sort of love for your partner too. The amount of times me and R have snapped at each other just because we're at our ends from either being over tired or drained from Imogen having a bad day it hurts our relationship. We love each other very much but we know we need a break. Don't be afraid to leave your babe for a couple of hours even if it's to go to the cinema, or to the shops for a couple of hours to just bond with each other again. It's needed and there should be no baby guilt taking a little time away from your baby, because you'll only come back running home missing them and giving them even more attention. 

4) Find a hobby

I have a million and one hobbies that have all been packed into boxes into the loft due to space and making space for the nursery. I felt like my entire life had been suppressed, that everything that I loved about me, and everything I wanted had gone. I guess some things are on hold because being a mum is full time but I've come up with new things to do in between time. 

I think about new sensory or activities I can do with Imogen and write lists of what I could do even if it's just an idea I've seen on facebook during the nightfeed. I blog. Blogging has become a bit of a diary to me, as I'm not the strongest writer but it makes me feel sane. I visit art gallerys with Imogen. I go looking at art and design like I always did, but I now look out for things to show her too. I talk to other mums through Instagram and slowly through twitter. I've been learning how to bake. Admittingly, I'm crap. Don't ask for a birthday cake anytime soon. Read. Watch a film (when she's asleep). Paint my nails. Facemasks. 
Any little thing that keeps me busy and occupied makes me feel like I'm not 'sitting on my arse and doing f* all, all day. 

5) Meet up with your friends

If you're like me, none of my friends have kids. It's scary. We've entered a new world and they're in that world. Don't shut them out. I nearly shut my friends out because I was so drained, depressed and didn't want them to be burdened by not only me but by Imogen. I was't sure what their reaction would be. They love her. They love her like my family love her and spoil her. It was in my head. So meeting up with my friends when they're off from work even if they just come around for a brew, we go out for some shopping or something to eat or even visiting them at work. It'll make you feel a hundred times better. With or without your babe. 

6) Block people out. Those nosey poking making you feel bad people.

This one is personal. Through the last half year, we've gone through a couple of things with our little girl and everyones told me this that the other. "Self soothe" "It's the milk" "Is she sleeping through" "Is she on solids yet?" "It's nothing" "You're doing that wrong". We all know what is best for our babies. I can't tell you how many times people have tried to undermine me as a parent, to my daughter, because they've been through it before they know better. The amount times where my mum has lifted her out of my arms while she's having a tantrum and giving into what she wants. It's part and part. I bite my tongue a lot, and sometimes I snap. You just have to block these people out because if your baby is drinking/eating and happy you're doing just fine. 

There are probably a million more things I could add to this list but alas it's feeding time so until next time! 


  1. I can relate to so many of these, it's so important to try and cling on to a bit of You time. I do so many things for the baby but very little stuff just for me or for me and the husband, whilst I love the baby stuff when we do do things just us two, it's lovely!

    1. You fancy babysitting?! Haha! Yes it's just that bit of downtime even if it's a film and a cuddle while they're sleeping if you can't get out of the house! (Yep, look how long it took me to reply! Babies!) I hope you get as much partner time as well as family time as possible! XO