Thursday, 19 January 2017


What a year it’s been! 2016 went and now 2017 has crept up on me before I could’ve even said boo! I’m amazed that we managed to make it to the New Year with the lack of sleep that’s been happening in the house. It’s been one of the toughest and amazing years of my life.
We’re going through some sort of leap where Imogen won’t settle to sleep anywhere. Not in her cot, on me, in our bed, on the floor, or even the comfiest cushions you’ve ever felt in your life. She just wakes up and screams the house down even while she’s still asleep. There’s nothing I can seem to do but keep trying even while we’re running out of steam at the moment. All it ever seems like is that we’re tired. She is a lot to handle throughout the day that even a good night’s sleep doesn’t help us out.

Christmas was lovely with all of the family. Imogen honestly had no idea what to do. There was so many people around and people we visited that she just seemed lost. She’s not used to that much attention. It gave me a break and I got to drink a lovely bottle of wine and relaxed while everyone else gave her the attention for the day.  It took her a grand five minutes to open one present, and as she had a massive heap from everyone, we all had to take turns to help her pull the wrapping off. Tesco glitter was everywhere! She loved it though and I’m glad we took a lot of pictures as it was her first.

We nearly stuck to our £100 budget, but as R earned a little bit of extra cash we used a code to buy some more clothes for Imogen from NEXT, as we had a £20 off voucher. We didn’t over do it, and I’m glad of everything of what we bought, but she was spoilt by the rest of the family.

The New Year came thick and fast and we spent it by going to bed.  Everyone was working so we didn’t have anywhere to go or do, so we just spent the day like any other.  New Years is always a letdown, this year was the first time I didn’t have to work it since I was 17 and I found it deflating when I was lay in bed becoming old in my age wishing that the fireworks would shut up and for everyone to go to bed. Hopefully next year we will be able to spend it together as a family.

We have a crawler. She’s properly crawling all over the floor and chasing us into the kitchen, so nothing is safe anymore. She’s so proud of herself but she also wakes herself up trying to roll over in the cot and trying to crawl. It’s so bizarre I shouldn’t have really expected any less as she is my child.

She’s so alert it’s amazing. She’s so clever and waves at everyone to say hello and goodbye now and has started to try and use her sippy cup after a switch in cups.

I had a really rough time. From hardly seeing R due to work’s demand, lack of sleep and just pure anxiety I dropped into a bad depression. I honestly sank so low I didn’t know how to get up. I was functioning like a zombie to just get through the day and tried everything in my power to make sure there was no difference where Imogen was concerned. I would cry myself to sleep every night and cry most days on and off.  I had great days too, days where the spring was in my step but I kept doubting everything in my life. I’m still not 100%. I don’t think I ever will be, but I’m getting there. I’m going to keep pushing until I am there. It’s hard to write about being constantly depressed and trying to put on a happy face in front of everyone but it’s constant. It constantly gets you down even when you have a good run. It gets easier and it get's harder. I will get there. 

Until next time, 


Post a Comment