Thursday, 16 February 2017


I could sit here all day honestly and tell you about everything single nitty gritty thing about being a new mum but you might, well, you would get bored. Everyone knows being a new mum is hard work but it’s everything else that get’s chucked at you wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I love my daughter to the end of the earth, but I realised my world kind of went on hold when she was born. There was things that I didn't realise would happen and how things would affect me psychologically too. There have been things that have been thrown at me, chucked me under a bus at times but also what’s made me come back stronger. I wanted to share with you things that were slowly killing me over the few months of being a new mum. Just remember, you're never alone. 
  1. None stop visitors and not being able to say no because of how far people travel.
  2. Not sleeping due to a million feeds a night.
  3. Winding Imogen. I would stay up hours on end to get the wind until we’d both sleep because we were tired out.
  4. Trying my hardest not to fall asleep with her in my arms when I’m exhausted.
  5. Not sleeping because once I’m awake, well I’m blummin awake!
  6. Nightmares. I would wake up thinking I was holding her while sleeping and break her. She was in her cot every single time.
  7. Lack of sleep making you a miserable cow and making you forget half of the things going on or what day it is.
  8. Not having a picture with my daughter when she was first born. Everyone was so sweeped up in the moment that it didn’t really happen.
  9. Breaking down because of the above.
  10. In fact, crying my eyes out and the health visitor being concerned about my ‘blues’.
  11. Turns out it was Post Natal Depression and the crying didn’t stop.
  12. My tummy disappeared, I was the thinnest I was in years.
  13. Three months later, I was the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life because I would just eat constantly.
  14. My tummy being flabby causing an anxiety attack in the middle of Primark.
  15. Anxiety. I’m still surprised my boyfriend is by my side. He handled pregnancy then got this lot. Poor sod. He’s a good un’.
  16. Again, poor boyfriend. I got myself so worked up I accused him of everything known to man.
  17. I got my best friend to dye my roots and they went bright Lady Gaga yellow. Your hair oil's change due to your hormones. 
  18. Aka it took me a week to go get another hair dye and sort it because I was too anxious.
  19. I got so swept up that everyone was constantly asking about Imogen, that I wanted people to ask how I am every once in a while. It got worse and worse and I felt more alone that I ever did in my life. 
  20. Leaving the house alone with Imogen and always being scared that something would go wrong and I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
  21. I was scared of people watching me with Imogen and judging.
  22. Just like when we took a train to visit family, and we had to swap trains and she was crying for milk and a complete stranger was telling me to hold her legs because she thought she needed to poo. I knew what my daughter was after. It made me embarrassed because I was holding Imogen off for two minutes for her milk, while swapping trains.
  23. Not trusting my own strength. I would go to every end of the planet to make sure she was okay no matter what state I was in.
  24. I didn’t get any more help with my depression, I went through it alone and even when I visited doctors I still felt truly alone. Looking back now, I’ve handled it well and I’m on my way to defeating it completely.
  25. Okay that's sort of a lie, I feel better some days like the 'old me' and days like today I just sort of want to faceplant a wall. 
  26. I didn’t realise how truly judgemental people can be. You’re breastfeeding? You’re bottle feeding? Puree, BLW or combo? HOW DARE YOU.
  27. A lot of other people will judge you no matter what you do, but older people will always push their views onto you, sometimes until you cry.
  28. I wished for a shower every single day. It was so hard to be able to go to the bathroom alone because I was so scared she would wake up. At one point I had a case of a bad stomach bug, and I had to bring her moses basket into the bathroom. Yep. There’s picture proof somewhere on my laptop… Sorry Imogen.
  29. At first I didn’t feel love. I think that was one of the hardest things. I didn’t feel ‘proud’ or ‘swept up in the moment’. I was shocked. I wanted to go home and eat Mcdonalds like everyone else that was running around getting everything ready while I was in the hospital.
  30.  I didn’t spring back to myself after a couple of days, or weeks or months. I’m still not who I used to be. I’m a different person now. I lost half of my personality and everything I enjoy is on hold until she’s older. It was very tough to come face to face with. As she’s getting older I’m getting back into the swing of things now but at first I thought I would be able to go on long walks every day and read books and meet up with my friends constantly. It doesn’t happen like that, but it doesn’t mean it’ll never happen again. 
II know it doesn't happen to everyone and every baby is different and every single person can be affected differently but this is just some of the things I found the hardest. 

But saying this as a first time mum, I would do it all over again for her. 

Until next time, 


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