Friday, 12 May 2017

REFLECTING ON MY PREGNANCY


It's been almost a year since I gave birth to Imogen. A year that's flown by right before my eyes but at the same time I can still feel all the hardships, I can still remember the painful labour as I'm stuck with many a problem afterwards but the thing is I miss being pregnant. I find myself wishing to be pregnant all over again. 

I'm not quite ready for another child, or a baby for that matter and I've discussed this plenty of times with my partner. If we feel ready when we're both around 30 and Imogen is in school, then maybe we'll try. We're trying to better ourselves right now while I'm not working and Imogen isn't even at nursery. But it makes me miss everything. All the 'Oh I'm pregnant I can eat whatever I want', the kicks that hurt my ribs and sides every night and even the horrible time when she turned breech while I was trying to have a wee at 34 weeks pregnant.

I was a miserable pregnant lady. There's no denying that. I thought honestly that it would've been worse. That I would've been super angry and hate everything instead I only beat myself up when I was upset. I remember ugly crying at R because we were messing around with mallow snowballs, and he squished it in my hand and I laughed so hard that it made me upset. Yep, I miss that. 

That non existant glow and the way people would stare at me trying to figure out if my plump little self was just fat or slightly pregnant as my bump never really stuck out until the last two weeks. I miss reading all the apps that I had saved to my phone to see how she was progressing and when she could hear my voice and it soothed her. 


I miss the day that I just finished my last shift at work on New Years Eve and I went to bed at 4am, and felt the first kick. Imagine the first thing that you celebrate in a new year was your babies first kick. It was an amazingly special moment and one I will never ever forget. Even if it turned out that little kicker was the wriggliest baby to ever exist before she turned 1. 

I just know that in my heart I really want to be pregnant again, and seeing some of my friends have babies on the way makes me miss it so much. Being able to rub my belly and feel her kick me, having late night cuddles with Reece just trying to talk to her so she knew our voices. Getting all excited for her big arrival and buying lots of tiny cute outfits (which we then discovered we'd have to buy even smaller versions). 


Like my pregnancy wasn't the worst by miles. We had a bumpy ride and only got to really hear her and see her at 19 weeks as my GP's lost my documents. I had heartburn so bad even though I had never had it before in my life and it's left me with a lot of repercussions and I've had to change my diet since. I'm rhesus negative so I had to have a lot of tests for that, and I had so many UTI's I lost count but we generally had the healthiest pregnancy that we could've possibly had. I was up and down with my moods every week, some weeks I would enjoy every moment and some I would be stressed about having everything ready, not having our own place to live amongst the stress of just being laid off from my job. It wasn't a great time for us but we survived. 

The only thing I regret was not taking more pictures. I took selfies sure, but not enough. I never felt great to take a picture and kept thinking I'll do it another day. Now I wish I took one week by week. To have some pictures at my sort of baby shower and some with R and pics in general. That's the only thing that I lack. Is pictures of me with bump and baby. It's a shame because I knew that I should do it and I think fen asked my family and yet nothing happened and that makes me miserable. I don't even want honk apart from the day I came back from the hospital, that there's a picture of me with her until she's 6 weeks old. 

It's the little things and it,ales me want to do it all again just to have them but maybe that's the hoarder inside of me or maybe that's a general feeling I'm not sure. 

How was your pregnancy? Did you flow through it like a breeze or was there complications? 

Until next time. 

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